The Love that I Hide
by Ryotski Menchi
Summary: Hiding your love from someone hurts you so much. A story of love that was never shown yet always felt... And was eventually returned.


Author's Notes: Hey again minna!! I haven't written stories for quite a long time, so gomen for the grammar mistakes and everything… this is another SenKosh fic… I mean a KoshSen fic. This is not the happiest fic, but it surely won't make you cry.

Well, anyways I do hope you will like this fic, this is my first one-shot fic.

Dedication: to all KoshSen fans, Reeza, Yume-nee, Madie-nee, Fuyu-kun to all my friends on line… to all obab, fiery v.s. icy and to all!!!!^_^

**Important Notice to all: Some parts of this fic have been taken from Why me?, a KoshSenKosh fic by daisychain and from Full Moon Wish. These fics are not mine but I really love them.**

Disclaimers: The poem included in this fic is by Leslie Prado, one of my friends and the characters belong to the coolest anime creator of all time, Inoue-sama (except for the old guy).

_This is the character's thoughts._

_/this/ indicates the poem___

_// Marks the end of the poem_

~*~*~

**_The Love That I hide_**

_/When will I tell you about my feelings_

_When will I have the guts?_

_To tell you that you only_

_Last for eternity/_

I'm waiting for Akira in a bench at the park. Seeing that Akira is still nowhere to be seen, I continued reading.

_/I know I've been keeping this for a long time_

_Trying hard not to find_

_Just can't hardly explain_

_Why I'm like this!!!/_

I've been hiding this for two years now. Since we first met… when we were still freshmen. Now look at us… we've grown so much, our friendship didn't change… but my love for you has grown deeper.

And it hurts SO much.

_/How will I ever let you know that I care_

_That deep inside my heart you're dear_

_Every single night you're the one I dream_

_You're the reason I smiled again/_

You're my best friend. You always ran to me whenever it came to love problems for some reason I don't know. You're my sunshine… You're my refuge.

You're the bane reason of my existence.

You always know how to make me smile. You're very patient with me. You always say that I'm a neat- freak, short tempered, the one who always shouts at you, "Sendoh you're dead!" when you're late for practice… but at the same time I'm cute, sweet and nice. How I wish that when you're saying those words you meant it because you love me.

How I wish.

_/How I wish I could say to you_

_The words I long to view_

_Notes from my heart that can't be hardly spoken_

_Whispering your name and saying I LOVE YOU is not quite the same/_

Everytime you hug me, I suddenly want time to stop. I want to freeze that moment and never let it go, even though the reason why you're hugging me is because I helped you in courting girls… or boys. I have made many sacrifices for you. I admitted to myself that I'm bi. I always make an excuse to Taoka-sensei when you don't feel like practicing. I almost got impeached as the president of the Student Council because I don't attend meetings coz' I'm always with you accompanying you on a one-on-one with Rukawa when you were still courting him **before you found out that he's already with the vice-captain of Shohoku Team Kiminobu Kogure.** You cried for hours when you found that out.

Heartbreak after heartbreak… you never learn. And I will also never ever learn the ways on how to let you go.

_/If you only read what's in my eyes_

_And listen to the troubling of my heart_

_You'll know even if I'll hide_

_I LOVE YOU no need to spell it out. //_

Akira, can't you notice?  There are times that I cry. And when you're asking why, I will not tell you the reason is you. _"I'm okay _Akira___, I just failed my history exam" Can't you notice that my reasons are so lame because they aren't true?! I don't know if you're blind or just plain stupid. __God… I'm having a rough time with this… please give me a sign._

**[Author's POV]**

"God… I'm having a rough time with this… please give me a sign."Koshino said, brushing his tears away. Suddenly an old man dressed in a checkered shirt and blue jeans walked up to him.****

"Excuse me boy, are you all right?"

"Oh, yes sir. Don't worry."

"Oh, ok. Can I ask what time is it?"

With a puzzled look on Koshino's face, he looked at his watch and looked up at the man. 

"It's almost eight o'clock now."

"Eight o'clock?"

"Yes, sir." Koshino answered being much curious than before. The old man just nodded and looked up in the sky.

"We have a full moon tonight. They say that when there is a full moon, wishes come true."

"I really wish it can."  Koshino replied.

"My child, nothing is impossible. Don't do something that you might regret later. You will never know the value of a person till his gone.

Koshino's mind was full of questions all of a sudden, _Why__ is he telling me this? He felt something… or someone hold his shoulder. It was the old man._

"All you need is the courage to say what's inside of you, what you feel. Show that you care and you will always be there. Have faith, my child. Have faith."

The old man reached for Koshino's hands. He gave Koshino a piece of paper which read:

/DANCE as though no one is watching you

LOVE as though you have never been hurt

SING as though no one can hear you

LIVE as though heaven is on earth

                              -Unknown //

When Koshino came to ask the man why he said that to him the old man was nowhere to be seen.

"I think I got my sign." Koshino whispered to himself as he smiled.

~*~

**[Sendoh's POV]**

"Tonight is the time, Akira." I said while looking at the mirror. "You got to try and face the consequences."

I left the house at fifteen minutes before eight. I really don't know what will I say to Koshino… and I don't care what his reaction will be. I HAVE to tell him even if telling this may have a big impact on our friendship. Period. But I was all too troubled for my own sake. _God, what am I gonna do?! Please let me know that you're listening. Please give me a sign…_

~*~

**[Author's POV]**

While Sendoh was walking towards the park, he looked up at the sky.

"It's a full moon tonight." _A lover's moon, he thought._

Sendoh, still walking towards the park, unaware of everything around him, bumped ito a man wearing checkered shirt and blue jeans.

"Oh! I'm really sorry, sir

"It's quite alright, really."

"I'm just really sorry. It was just that "

"Looking at the sky, the moon specifically, the full moon." The man finished for him.

"How did you…"

"It's just that a certain man, black hair, brown eyes about 5'7 in height sitting on a bench at the park, waiting for someone… I talked to him coz' he seems to be to have a problem… but I think he got the point. I think he's going to tell that someone the truth tonight."

Sendoh didn't answer the man. _Black hair, brown eyes, 5'7?! Could it be? No! It can't be! What if Koshino is in love with another guy?! Oh my!  I have to hurry, or I'll regret this for the rest of my life!_

"Excuse me, but are you all right?" asked the old man.

"Mister, I'm really sorry but I have to go now. Thank you very much."

"Don't be afraid to say the truth, you got to have faith. Your destiny will be different this time, different from what has happened to you. Your past experiences were meant to happen… for you to learn. And you did. You learned from it, Sendoh."

Sendoh suddenly stopped dead in his tracks…_How the hell did this man know my name? And why is he saying this?  When Sendoh turned around the old man was looking at him and he said with a smile._

"What are you doing just standing over there?! Go! Hurry! Or you'll be late!"

Sendoh didn't know what happened but his feet obeyed what the old man said, the next thing he knew he was running towards the park and then he came face to face with none other than Koshino Hiroaki.

~*~

**[Sendoh's POV]**

"Hiroaki!"

"Akira, I thought you wouldn't come… I got to tell you something…" Hiroaki said, looking down.

"Hiro, let me speak first." I said in between heavy breathing. "I don't know how to say this, coz' it's really hard to say. I don't know if you're gonna like it. We've been friends since we were first years…" I suddenly stopped for a moment and continued. "There are so many things I wanna tell you. You're the one who always keeps me standing, you help me through it all… When you're beside me I suddenly feel very strong like no one can ever separate us. I have always needed you and I don't think I can make it without you… even though I've had so many heartbreaks, I know I will find someone who will turn it all around to make a difference, the one who will pick me up when I'm feeling down, the one who'll always be there, the one who cares for me. I think I found that person… And no one can change what he means to me. That person is you. I love you Hiro, so much."

He just stared at me, not saying a word. When I looked into his eyes, he looked like he was about to cry…

And he did.

"Akira… you don't know how much I waited for you to say that… If you only knew…how much I love you, how much I care for you. Those simple words you said, simple, but has a deep meaning. I never thought that you'd be the one saying that to me. I thought you didn't care. I thought it's impossible for you to love me. I thought I'm just your friend. I thought I meant nothing to you."

I was flabbergasted… I never thought that Hiro was able to say these things… I never thought he was this fragile. I hugged him tight coz' I never want to let him go. 

"You're everything to me, Hiro…" I didn't want tears to fall down my eyes but it can't be helped. _Don't cry, __Akira__… Tears started to cascade down my cheeks. Not tears of sadness or because I was hurt… but because of happiness… tears of joy. _

"I love you too, Akira. So much that all I want is for you to find your happiness… I didn't care if you left me… I just want you be happy."

"I'm sorry Hiro… I'm sorry for me to take a long time to know that you are the one I really love. I'm sorry for the times I hurt you. You must be in pain after all these years but know I know that you really love me. I will never ever leave you alone… I will not waste time again… Those two years were just a waste."

"No, Akira those two years weren't a waste."

"Huh? Why?"

"If that two years never happened, you will never be able to realize that you love me If those two years never happened I would have not learn to hold on to something. We both learned from it… and we both gained something from it."

I stopped for a moment and thought about what happened to me this past years. He's  right. We did learn and gain something from it

_"Don't be afraid to say the truth, you got to have faith. Your destiny will be different this time, different from what has happened to you. Your past experiences was meant to happen… for you to learn, and you did… you learned from it, Sendoh."_

"The old man!"

"What? What old man?"

"The old man who was wearing checkered shirt and blue jeans!"

"What? You met that man too?"

"Yes, and he's the one who told me about you! He said that you were going to tell that 'someone' tonight the truth."

"Oh, that 'someone' is you, baka. What did you think?"

"I thought you were in love with someone else."

"You haven't told me about your feeling yet then, and you're already jealous? You must really love me Sendoh Akira." Koshino said with a smile.

"I think I'll go crazy if you're in love with somebody else." I said to him 

giving him a true genuine smile.

"But I haven't, I will not replace you for anybody else, not tonight and not tomorrow and the next tomorrow and tomorrow after that and never ever!"

"You haven't change Koshino, I think you're still the neat freak, short tempered and the one shouts at me but at the same time you're cute, sweet and nice."

"You baka."

Koshino reached for my shirt and pulled me towards him giving me a kiss that I will never ever forget for my entire life.

~*~

Author's Notes: Thanks for reading! Now, if you will be so kind to take a minute of your time and review my fic! All comments and suggestions are welcome!! Sorry if you don't like the ending… I haven't really concentrated on that part because I was talking to someone on the phone (Don't be angry, Reeza! I'm just joking!) Well, anyways I do hope you like it!!

Dedication: it's the same with the one I wrote at the start of my fic. ^_^

Disclaimers: Again the same with the one on the beginning. Inoue, you rock!!!

2:36pm

23April2k3

29_zel_07


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